So... it's been a while!

Hey there little blog, this Widdlin' Diddler is brought to you by an inability to sleep and powered by quite a lot of tramadol.

Somewhat off topic (my gallbladder and its potential collection of gallstones is trying to kill me) but I thought I ought explain why this might be even more rambling than usual... its because tramadol blows up me noodle, its fucking cosmic man (or it would be if it didn't make me want to throw up quite a lot)... but it does make me waffle on a bit!

So it's been a while, I've been in possession of Bernard the Amazing Wheelchair for quite some time now - thanks to the Bank of Dad and the lovely chaps and chapesses at RGK wheelchairs,  and I have really got my head round using her (yes, Bernard is a girl. Watch Blackadder.)


We've done some dog training/behaviour seminars (I got to meet Patricia McConnell! Awesomeness, shes SO lovely and SO interesting, and if anyone ever actually reads this, unless you are a dog geek you have no idea who she is!), but mainly, we shop.


OMG I LOVE SHOPPING... I actually freaking LOVE shopping, clothes shopping, even for other people.

I've spent the better part of the last 30 years HATING shopping, because I have to stand too long, walk too far, the only shops I liked were shoe shops as you can sit down in them!

Now, I can shop for DAYS at a time, I really could.

Plus, something you don't realise til you use a manual wheelchair - floors in most of the big stores are fucking smoooooooooooooooooth as a smooth thing on a really smooth day, after its had a shave and some lotion!

What this means is - speed! Yes, I'm the one hurtling down the aisle shouting WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... I get funny looks but I couldn't give a single fuck. For 30 odd years I have moved at a pace marginally faster than an asthmatic snail.

Now for the first time in my life, I can move faster than most peoples brisk walking pace, I can actually move so quickly that people need to JOG to keep up and fuck me, I like it!

I do get out of breath (having a fucked up heart will do that to you) but you know what, when you are sat down its pretty hard to fall over. I can coast, I can stop and rest if necessary and then carry on!

So here comes my second revelation that the delightful Bernard has brought to me...

Once I am pain free (and using the wheelchair generally takes my pain levels down to what I assume is normal for a 33 year old) and I am confident I can stop when necessary... I ACTUALLY LIKE EXERCISE...

*thud*... Yeah, I do. Im a 23 stone cake loving fat-ass and I LIKE exercise - turns out, what I never LIKED was pain, lack of oxygen and the impending doom of a heart attack - exercise it turns out, is quite nice!

So now I find I'm actually getting out there even if I don't need to, just to stretch my arms and go for a push.. you know, like AB's go for a walk even if they don't have a dog, and like some of them go JOGGING... like that!

In fact the other day, I over did things somewhat round Sainsbury's, which was foolish - I had to send the Boy home to get something (ha, the debit card!) and I continued to try to shove a full trolley round the store using my legs held out rigid in front of me whilst I used my arms to push the wheelchair......

It was quite successful (and before you ask,  yes they do have the trolleys that clip to the chair, if you have a standard width chair which I don't, and if you don't mind it shredding off your gorgeous paintwork, which I do!), as long as I mainly stuck to straight lines and took the corners slowly and very wide...

It also resulted in some not unpleasant after effects in my back and shoulder muscles the following day - I was stiff as a bloody corpse...

So what did I do? Lie around moaning that it hurt?

No! I volunteered to go shopping with my Dad, just so I could get out for a push round Morrisons (lovely wide aisles!), and I did, whizzed round Morrisons covering about three times the ground he was covering, dashing off to fetch things (which I have to do by holding things in my teeth cos I'm shit at gripping things with my knees and being a fatty with short legs I have no useful lap to put things on)....

It felt GOOOOOOOOOD!  I am actually seriously wondering if there is a local athletics track I'd be able to zoom round once a week or so... mm!

Or maybe thats the tramadol talking!


Being serious (though im actually seriously thinking about that now) I seem to have found quite a lot of confidence when out and about using Bernard - I've never been the sort of person who is worried about talking to strangers, I'll strike up a conversation with absolutely anyone... but NOW I have the confidence to haggle over prices in certain stores (poundstretcher, i have no shame at all)... or actually make a complaint, or ask for something, which I would  NEVER do before...


So I think what I am trying to say, is that for years I was dreading the thought of a wheelchair, thinking it would be in some way a failure or allowing myself to 'give up' when the reality is, its fucking brilliant, I love it, I am doing more and I am infinitely happier!

If you are someone like me, who needs a chair, or you even  THINK you'd benefit from a chair - don't piss about, speak to your GP, borrow a chair and try it, get to the OT and feckign MAKE  them give you one. Don't waste time getting caught up worrying about what people think or feeling like its an admission of defeat like I did - I could have, and should have, done this years ago!